So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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