I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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