i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
