This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
