Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
