i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
