Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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