Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
