guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
