Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Pooping to opera.
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