So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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