i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
