Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
