I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
