nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
