how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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