Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
