just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
