How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
