Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
