I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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