I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
