ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
