so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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