no, he came in my armpit
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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