Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
