I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
