My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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