we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
