Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
