As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
