margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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