This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
