You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
