why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
