Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
