Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
