Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
