how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
