Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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