all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
