I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
