found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
