I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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