I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
