I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
