We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
