I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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