Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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