good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
3 2 1 whiskey
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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