I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
