i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
